@TheCiscoKidder: My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, "Big pee pee!" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on.
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@FriskyOnWhiskey: If anyone's seen me at my best, and seen me at my worse, and still accepts me for who I am, it's definitely the liquor store.
@thenatewolf: Detective: someone's been stealing boats, can we look in your basement? Me: I don't have a basement *sound of foghorn from basement*