@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.
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@DanMentos: [walks up to guys playing basketball] "mind if I join?" you any good? Hell yeah I'm good. Toss me the orange sphere
@thepatrickwalsh: Tom Cruise has never starred in a movie where his character description didn't include the word "hotshot."
@Vodkantots: Grilled cheese is just regular cheese that's been forced to account for its whereabouts last night between 9:30 and 11.
@ThaJawn: Angel: God.. Were you drunk creating last night? God: no..... Angel: *holds up platypus God: a little..