@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup.
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@bobbiejo448: Someone please tell my mother she won't get a free iPod by clicking the links. She's convinced I just don't want to show her how to use it.
@daemonic3: [gf takes pregnancy test, starts crying] "It's negative" Lemme see it [reads] 'Not prego. Just fat. And ugly' Wow that's really negative
@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus was the original child star who fell in with the wrong crowd and died young.
@rocknthepurple: I've never played Jenga, but I have had to extricate myself from a sleeping toddler in my bed, so I think I could handle it.