@gabeserra: My 3 yr old puts himself in timeout whenever he doesn't want to do something we ask him to. Pretty sure he just beat the system.
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@Tups13: When I receive an invoice that says ‘early settlement would be appreciated’ I build them a Neolithic village.
@isabelzawtun: Bursting from my chair, I pound a fist on the boardroom table. Everyone's gasps turn to cheers as I lift my hand to reveal the dead mosquito
@MartaEffing: I'm pretty sure the chick at this drive thru had me repeat, 'I'll take a number two', multiple times so she could laugh at me.