@novicefather: My 3yo just told me that he loves to make babies and I don't know what it means but I'm terrified.
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@stephenjmolloy: "Ah, Mr Bond, I-" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* "-wasn't expecting you."
@dreamthievin: Replace his deodorant with a glue stick so he thinks of you every time he tries to raise his arm to put around the shoulders of another girl
@iwearaonesie: wife [whispers] Josh me wife *nudges me* Josh me: Huh? What? wife: You were explaining the plot to Space Jam in your sleep again
@3sunzzz: Fun Fact: The average 3-year-old boy can stick 11 kernels of corn up his nose before he needs a trip to the ER.