@novicefather: My 3yo just told me that he loves to make babies and I don't know what it means but I'm terrified.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: If a woman wears a ponytail holder on her wrist at all times that means she's always down to pull her hair back and fight you.
@maughammom: Me: "Want a banana?" 3yo: "Yes, but don't cut it up. And don't peel it. And don't make it be a banana. Make it be a waffle."
@HallpassCanada: You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.