@sammyrhodes: My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.
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@AristotlesNZ: Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.
@joejwest: ME: [bumps man] MAN: [spills coffee] Say sorry ME: No MAN: Then I'll see you in court ME: [remembers I own a camouflage suit] You won't