@sammyrhodes: My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.
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@ThaJawn: Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh..
@noog: People talk about the environment like the Earth’s in danger. Don’t worry about Earth. Earth was a ball of magma once. Worry about us.
@NikiWithIssues: I have to stop saying "Because I'm Batman" all the time. It's not cute anymore. Oh wait. Yea it is! You know why? Because I'm Batman.