@sammyrhodes: My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.
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@avxlanche: me: mom i like this person from twitter mom: TWITTER IS LIKE CRAIGSLIST YOU THINK YOURE BUYING USED BOWLING SHOES AND YOU WIND UP DEAD
@Black__Elvis: Even if you disagree with his politics you have to admit that for a second term president he doesn't even look pregnant.
@Mellicubed: My fire alarm just went off because I took my shower. Ya, I know I'm hot when I'm naked, but come on now, let's all just calm down.