@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old and I are having an argument. I'm telling him that he is making me late for work and he's telling me that he is Batman.
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@JermHimselfish: I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.
@SadFaceOtter: Lost your keys? Why not try looking in the same two places 16 times whilst getting increasingly angrier
@str8upjuggahos: How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?