@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old loves wrestling with the family. He's Hulk Hogan, I'm The Rock and our 1 year old is the folding chair.
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@DanMentos: *chad kroeger walks through metal detector at airport* TSA agent: I've never seen this low of a reading
@WilliamAder: Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
@simoncholland: Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?
@david8hughes: [first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty