@HeyoShellz: My 4 year old refused his dinner but it's ok because I caught him eating a Milkbone earlier
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@TheRolo: Not to brag, but a news anchor started following me today. She recognizes a disaster when she sees one.
@Thepinkparka: Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting. Until you realize you live alone.
@TheMichaelRock: Nice try, Team USA. Not bad for a country that only cares about soccer for two weeks every other year!
@RaineyKnight666: Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours.