@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old told me to just turn the tire around as the top part isn't flat. I don't care if it's wrong - that's still some great logic.
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@platinum2000: "How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?" *I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.
@Jeffwni: - "I love Beyoncé... - Whatever floats your boat mate. - No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'. - ..."
@cbdoubleu: Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W: