@Brianhopecomedy: My 4 year old told me to just turn the tire around as the top part isn't flat. I don't care if it's wrong - that's still some great logic.
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@sarcasm_inc: [a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it
@MandyUncle: If there's one thing I've learnt in life it's to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
@jonnysun: [normal life] ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week [packing for vacation] hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats…32 shirts
@SomthinBoutSara: Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says "I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there"