@Leslie_Annie: My 4 yr old came in my room last night at 3am. I asked him what was wrong and he said "how many eyebrows do I have?"
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@ImaFlyontheWall: Bob: Who is that? Me:That's Ted, he's the opposite of a hypochondriac.. Ted's arm falls off Ted: Hey guys! Bob: Holy shit! Ted: What, I'm ok
@ericsshadow: My wife and I asked my son who he loves most. He pointed all around. I said he had to choose, then he told us he was pointing at the wifi.
@StarWarsProblms: Yoda: Clouded, your future is. Anakin: Are you smoking pot again? Yoda: Six cheeseburgers, I want.
@kwirkyKerri: Nothing says you married into the wrong damn family like your mother in-law crashing your honeymoon.