@Discourt: My 4yo brought his Woody doll to the store and was swinging it around. I told him loudly to stop hitting people with his Woody. Parenting.
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@hurlarious: I like to leave my gas cap hanging off when I'm on a date so when people start honking and waving I can wave back like I'm famous
@Kendragarden: If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby
@Mickey_McCauley: For every hour that passes without payment, I will teach another hostage "Wonderwall" on acoustic guitar and release him back to you
@NervousJr: Told my mom "The D" stood for donuts, and now she won't stop telling people she wants the chocolate D.