@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old thinks that there's a monster under his bed so I assured him that it won't get him as long as he stays in bed until 8AM.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@rockymomax: [having sex] HER: talk dirty to me ME: I've been wearing the same underwear for weeks HER: no, I mean- ME: I drink my own bath water
@robfee: Dads in horror movies always have the most chill explanations. "Our son is covered in pentagrams!" Well maybe he's just allergic to dairy.
@tjcirimele: *cat lays on my leg* *I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won't leave* *I move half an inch* *cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*