@DawnLovesZombie: My 5/o just said "That's Classic!!" WTF is classic to a 5 y/o? Blues Clues??
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@MrYeager2: Wife: hey take me out tonight. Me: can it wait till tomorrow? Wife: why? Me: because tonight's not garbage night, tomorrow is
@FeelingEuphoric: Dating tip: Before you think he's attractive—stop, breathe, and take a moment to think... is he attractive, or is he just a bowl of lasagna?
@AthenaMystique: Coworker: Oh, look how beautiful! It's snowing again! Me: *stabs coworker with icicle*
@trojansauce: ALFRED: *wringing out wet birthday party invitation* it's difficult to read, but i'd hazard a guess at aquaman, master wayne