@KalvinMacleod: My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
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@GarreTheFerret: Accidentally swallowed some food coloring. I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside
@OtherDanOBrien: ACQUAINTANCE: (crying) Nobody likes me ME: I like you ACQUAINTANCE: (crying harder) Nobody good likes me