@KalvinMacleod: My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
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@MaritalFauxPas: If a cannibal kills me he better have the right kind of Zip-loc bags! If I get tossed out because of freezer burn I'm going to be pissed!
@ArfMeasures: ME: Then the robber came thru the door holding a gun COP: Was it a revolver? ME [thinks] No he just pushed it open & walked thru like normal
@KamaroPayne: My husband doesn't find it nearly as amusing as I do, when I read all your tweets out loud to him. For 2 hours. Douche.