@KalvinMacleod: My 6 year old is telling me a story, oh wait, now he’s 9.
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@ItalianBratikus: When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered.
@heroinsdemise: I always wonder how Men managed to find entire continents. Mine can't even find the butter in the fridge.
@AnOrangeSNES: *Lowers thermostat* *Dad puts it back* *Lowers thermostat again* *Dad puts it back again* The real Cold War
@ErinEph: You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.