@VaultsOpen: My 6 year old nephew is legitimately pissed off that there is no actual monkey in the monkey bread.
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@PaperWash: Ladies, if you think being clumsy is cute, I once stabbed my date in the gums with a fork trying to feed her a bite of spaghetti
@FatherWithTwins: "Daddy, I was just in the bathroom peeing, nothing else. That's all, so you don't need to look." - my 6yo, not sounding at all suspicious
@shanethevein: Saw a grown man riding down the street on a BMX. I yelled what does BMX stand for? He replied "DUI".