@biatchppplease: My 6 yr old just asked if I'm a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side
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@SoVeryBritish: Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed
@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@Mikecanrant: Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
@CaelaCarter: Shy girl has a crush on shy boy.Shy boy has a crush on shy girl.Neither of them say anything.They both do a lot of homework.#VeryRealisticYA