@timdonakowski: My 61-year-old stepmom loves your product, Mark Zuckerberg.
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@girl_a_whirl: [invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?
@InternetHippo: BEN CARSON’S WIFE: Are you coming home for dinner BEN CARSON: Go to ben carson dot com and read my plan to come home for dinner
@deloriumforsale: I hope the guy who named the "walkie talkie" called his home phone "standie talkie" and his toilet "sittie shitty".
@AimeeHelene1: *rolls grocery cart into open house* Ooh what a lovely lamp! *puts it in cart* An iPad! *crosses iPad off shopping list* *puts it in cart*