@timdonakowski: My 61-year-old stepmom loves your product, Mark Zuckerberg.
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@JimNorton: I just got a text from a number I don't recognize saying, 'You're an embarrassment of a son'. I've narrowed it down to 2 people.
@lindseyallen: Stand way over there and let me tell you a funny fairytale. Once upon a time I ate all of your Halloween candy this morning.
@Nikkeya08: Mom 1: My son's gonna be a pro baseball player Mom 2: Mines gonna be a doctor Me: My son shows strong signs of being able to escape prison