@timdonakowski: My 61-year-old stepmom loves your product, Mark Zuckerberg.
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@JCWisdomNuggets: Next time a dude says "Pictures or it didn't happen", punch them in the throat, take a pic, and tell a story about a guy you throat punched.
@miffedmim: I swear my husband thinks 90% of what I do as a stay home mom is walk around the house & hide his stuff *hides some stuff It's maybe 35%
@MrIceMachine: Mind: Does a flying dream sound good tonight? Me: Yea! Mind: Horrific shadow demon it is. Me: But I thought-? Mind: Don't worry, it can fly.
@_b1p0larbear: I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on. Then I dropped it onto her nose. She's awake now.