@The_JRM: My 6yo daughter's teacher just gave me a "Most Improved Ponytail" award.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sal0630: Me: I'm gonna make a salad Her: I think the lettuce went bad [opens fridge] [lettuce flicks a cigarette, hops out & pulls a switch blade]
@duplicitron: Where do I see myself in ten years? I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*
@AntiJokeTyrone: A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby