@carlyken: My 8 told me he likes Skillrex because it sounds like what Transformers would sound like if they quit saving the world and formed a band.
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@HoIIiday: sex ed told us to practice safe sex and now 10 years later everyone’s choking each other
@DaddyJew: Her: is the game almost over? Me: this is just the first half Her: uggghh how many more halves are there? Me: you're pretty
@CroweJam: There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.