@carlyken: My 8 told me he likes Skillrex because it sounds like what Transformers would sound like if they quit saving the world and formed a band.
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@Schmoodles: Stabbed myself in the eye with a yellow pen and now everything looks all Instagramy.
@Faux_Ma: My Daughter wants a Cinderella-themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "This new flavour of Pringles is horrible." Wife: "You're eating a tube of tennis balls."
@msgwenl: The thing about eating broken cookies is there's no way to know how many you had. "You ate the whole ba-" THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW.