@carlyken: My 8 told me he likes Skillrex because it sounds like what Transformers would sound like if they quit saving the world and formed a band.
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@BlondAmbitionTO: Why do people leave mattresses on the side of the road? Do they really think someone will take it? Do you think I should wash it first?
@earthfalcon33: PRANK TIME: tie your friend's shoelaces together and when he tries to walk throw a wolf at him
@Sarcasticsapien: Someone angrily told me "You're so sarcastic!" That would be like me angrily telling a woman "You're so beautiful!"
@originalgriz: Trump taking credit for Obama’s economy is like someone inheriting millions from his dad and bragging about what a smart businessman he is.