@Smethanie: My 8-year-old just offered me leftover cashews from his lunch, asking "Do you want these nuts?" and I'm not mature enough to be a parent.
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@TheAlexNevil: "A picture is worth a thousand words." --anonymous "A thousand words is for amateurs." --children
@mommy_cusses: Parenting Tip: Wear clothing with pockets so you can flip off your children inconspicuously.
@GreeneyedManiac: I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I'd still be in bed instead of talking to people.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Things are going well. *knocks on wood* 5-year-old: Who's there? Me: It's not a knock knock joke. 5: It's not a knock knock joke who?