@Smethanie: My 8-year-old just offered me leftover cashews from his lunch, asking "Do you want these nuts?" and I'm not mature enough to be a parent.
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@SonoLibero_8: Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.
@OneFunnyMummy: On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse.
@AnOrangeSNES: "You killed a dude I hate your attitude That's why you're going to jail, Without bail 25 to life Bubba is your new wife." -Poetic Justice
@iAmDelFreaky: I've decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It's pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I'm angry.