@Mr_Kapowski: My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet
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@jdforshort: If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom I guess it's finally time to shave my legs for spring *Walks away with hedge trimmers
@DecantAndPour: I can tell if someone's uncomfortable around me just by staring at them for 3 hours.
@Carbosly: Apparently saying "If you think your wife is fat now, wait till she has the baby" is not a good way to congratulate someone.