@Mr_Kapowski: My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet
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@_Jkriegs: A street preacher told me that gays cause floods, & my first reaction was to call my friend Ben & ask him what other rad shit he could do
@beefman138: Dear people filming disasters : You need to zoom out before running for your lives. Nobody likes blurry footage, you selfish animals.
@VanGobot: *sees a bug in my apartment* me: *yells at the spiderweb in the corner* WHAT THE SHIT, FRANK?! WE HAD A DEAL
@WilliamAder: Weather Girl: I'm looking at six to ten inches tonight. Me, to the TV: But is it going to SNOW?