@Mr_Kapowski: My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet
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@Bryainiac: I don't know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn't even try to get out.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Our daughter lied to me. Me: What did I tell you about telling the truth? 5-year-old: It's only for people who don't have lawyers.
@WeedTveets: *about to check bank account* Me: "I'm guessing I should probably have about $200 left" *bank account*: $3.64 Me: