@Mr_Kapowski: My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet
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@decentbirthday: [before date] friend: make everything about her [date] waiter: *trips and spills food everywhere* me: *to date* this is all your fault
@decentbirthday: [Battleship: Guilt Edition] Friend: B6 Me: You sunk my Battleship Friend: Hah yes! Me: But 70 people were on the ship. They had children
@Home_Halfway: I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it's nice to see agreeable babies out there.