@Mr_Kapowski: My 8 y/o memorized my 12 character password that has upper and lowercase letters, numbers and symbols but can't remember to flush the toilet
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@Reverend_Scott: "SOMEONE IS VAPING" 911: Stay calm, were tracing it "HURRY" 911: THE VAPING IS COMIN FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE "OMG" 911: GET OUT GET OUT
@xysist: Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam's ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
@DanMentos: billy joel: we didn’t start the fire detective: I haven’t mentioned a fire billy joel: shit
@hunz74: My 10 year old: "If nothing is faster than the speed of light, how did the darkness get there first." Me: "What?"