@MarfSalvador: My ability to attract girls has increased exponentially since I started my new hobby 'crying whilst pushing round an empty stroller'
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ElKnuckelhombre: My 7 yr. old thought it would be really funny to hold up a sign in the back window of the car that said "HELP ME!". It was not.
@Brentweets: Chipotle has been hacked for an hour and hasn't noticed... Taylor Swift was hacked and wrote an album about it 30 seconds after.
@215potter: To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds... Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.