@Sims_was_here: My alphabet soup is full of typos. Go home Campbells; you're drunk
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@slimmy_shady: I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks. So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
@lwhit_the_boss: My signature move at parties is flirting with a cute guy for half an hour before realizing he's actually a bag of Cheetos
@RobDenBleyker: Life advice: If someone ever tells you "I'll be there in thirty minutes", you should ALWAYS respond with "You've got twenty" and hang up.