@Sims_was_here: My alphabet soup is full of typos. Go home Campbells; you're drunk
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@rpbateman: This coworker is in a really good mood this morning, so I hacked his Facebook account and wrote "sexy" on all of his wife's friends' pics.
@jjhartinger: I picked up an ice cream cake & the cashier said keep it in the freezer until serving so it doesn't melt. I've got to start dressing smarter
@jwoodham: Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"