@Sims_was_here: My alphabet soup is full of typos. Go home Campbells; you're drunk
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@david8hughes: Interviewer: says here you're a sniper Me [opening gun case]: affirmative Interviewer: is that a Supersoaker with a Pringles can taped to it
@TheIronSherk: My girl has been eating a lot of Mexican fast food and gaining tons of weight lately, but I'll never stop loving her She's my Taco Belle
@StarWarsProblms: Emperor: How are my elite troops doing on Endor? Vader: They were all viciously murdered by teddy bears. Emperor: That sounds plausible.
@Cheese_Pile: *Sees girl trying to reach soup on top shelf* "Here let me get that" I say [Beacuse I'm much taller] *I put the soup in my cart & walk away*