@Sims_was_here: My alphabet soup is full of typos. Go home Campbells; you're drunk
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@Faux_Ma: He told me I cut my steak like a serial killer, so I whispered "What makes you think this is steak?" While I stroked his thigh with a knife.
@kcmoore51: 11: You know what would be really ironic? Me: No, what? 11: If someone died in their...living room. The Twitter is strong in this one.
@Ramitology: Thank God you've updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn't tolerate more suspense.