@Not_From_Troy: My ambition is to be the last man on earth so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth.
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@Tmoney68: I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30.
@TheWeirdWorld: If a vampire gets AIDS from one of its victims, is it considered an STD or food poisoning?
@ChaseMit: Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have "evolved." Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about.
@catstronomical: him: what did you do all day? *steps aside to reveal 12 cats taped together* Me: it's a purrrramid!