@TheToddWilliams: My anchor tattoo is so realistic I can't get out of the bathtub.
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@TragicAllyHere: [Casually but methodically making my way through a party until I secure a spot next to the snacks] Quietly, as if into earpiece: "I'm in."
@JenAshleyWright: Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
@Dawn_M_: Some people don't like awkward silences but I do because that's when I think about Thundercats.
@wickedsuga: Kim on FB needs help deciding if the snot in her kid's nose is from allergies or not. His Dr. says yes, but she really needs your opinion.