@TheToddWilliams: My anchor tattoo is so realistic I can't get out of the bathtub.
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@givesnoerection: I moved out of my parents house so I could have sex whenever I wanted, I had no idea it would always be with myself.
@jwoodham: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? / Are you still on your iPhone even though you said you were going to sleep?
@TheTweetOfGod: If "the word impossible is not in your vocabulary", you have a pretty limited vocabulary.