@ISOremarkable: My answer to most questions is an intelligible grunt, a flustered pointing motion, & a 3 hour nap.
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@DurtMcHurtt: I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon.
@AaronFullerton: Did you know you can actually WIN Instagram by taking a picture of your feet next to your dinner at sunset?
@ojedge: [first day as a masseuse] Me: [closing book] "…& they all lived happily ever after" Customer: "That's not what I meant by 'happy ending'"
@leifromloihi: [opens fortune cookie] be careful what you wish for [opens another] this is your final warning