@anjadrisch: My anti bacterial hand wash promises to kill germs & moisturise at the same time. Such violence & nurturing from the one product.
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@Reel2Dialog2: [Inventing octopus] God: 8 arms Angel: okayyyy G: with suckie things A: and- G: Mouth like a parrot, shoots ink A: wtf G: ...I ate mushrooms
@Iwriteforcats: The best part about being a comma is that you're usually followed by a nice big BUT.
@TheMichaelRock: I have been reporting moms on Facebook who brag about how perfect their lives are as fake news.