@Piecezilla: My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
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@dumbbeezie: My doctor told me that despite my efforts, I'll probably live a long life. I'm taking the news pretty hard
@mortimermaiden: Me: Wanna take this upstairs? Her: Mhm, but you should know it's my first time Me: Don't worry, upstairs is like the downstairs, just higher