@Piecezilla: My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
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@3sunzzz: If you're giving me directions and you say, "Head north," I'm going to think you mean toward the sky.
@Just_Lee_: When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
@truegritrumble: ME: I hit my neighbors car. CAT: I killed my last 4 owners. ME: YOU CAN TALK! CAT: ... ME: Wait, what did you just say? CAT: *blinks*