@IGotsSmarts: My apathy is at an all time whatever.
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@Shen_the_Bird: [arriving in hell] me: i didn't know i'd have to wear what i died in forever satan: where did you even find denim underwear
@Brampersandon_: ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME: *inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk* I thought u'd never ask
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She thinks I'm stupid "He covers himself in baby powder before we have sex" HOW ELSE DO YOU MAKE A BABY, KAREN?
@Hormonella: So Mother Theresa puts a dish towel on her head and she's a "saint" but when I put a dish towel on MY head I'm "drunk in the kitchen again?"