@delusions_of: My arm bone's connected to my hand bone. My hand bone's connected to a bacon cheeseburger.
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@BromanConsul: 1964:"Remember kids," a youth basketball coach says, "there's no "i" in team." "Not yet," whispers 5th grade Steve Jobs, "... not yet."
@shkeeber: Me: Whatcha making? Mom: Dill bread. Me: So, do you have yeast on your dill dough? Mom: Get out.
@LindaInDisguise: Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?
@vladchoc: Why should I have to take a first aid course? Why is this on me? Why don't you take a "how to eat sandwiches without choking" course?