@Jake_Vig: My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Momtoteens: If you don’t wear a body wallet to bed with all your cash in it, you aren’t really raising teens.
@squirrel74wkgn: [drive-thru at 2am] Whaazzuupp!? Lemme gets 12 tacos, 6 burritos, and a Diet Coke. Booyah! Neighbor's mailbox: ...
@LeeMifsud: "I saw a flock of cows today" "Flock of cows?" "Yes a flock of cows" "Herd of cows?" "Of course I've heard of cows, I saw a flock of them!"
@robdelaney: Need special medicine for our son’s kidneys but we can’t afford it because we bought printer ink last week :(