@WaluigiLover: My aunt is trying to convince me that I'm gonna have kids. I named my kittens lunchbox and cocaine Steve. No one is gonna let me have a kid.
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@simonblackwell: At the polling station. Bodes well for Labour - loads of young people here. Or I might possibly be at the wrong primary school.
@Bripping_Talls: Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn't read the entire article.
@brunopieroni: I left my Kindle on the train. This would have never happened if I was carrying 8 bookshelves full of books with me like in the old days.
@RorynotRoy: You'd think Goldilocks would have been all like, "Damn, it smells like bears in here. Is that a family portrait of bears?! I should leave."