@BradBroaddus: My aunt's ex-boyfriend's mailman's brother said it on Facebook so I don't think any further research is necessary.
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@causticbob: A salesman knocked on my door today. "Who currently provides your Internet?" he asked. I said, "My next door neighbour."
@RidiculousSheri: He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
@MarieColette: If anyone's looking to join a pyramid scheme, hit me up and I'll connect you with all the girls I went to high school with via facebook.
@tastefactory: Cop: Save it for the JUDGE! Crook:Ok *crook wraps up last slice of pizza in foil* Lawyer: it's too bad the judge had to miss our pizza party