@gurl_sour: My autocorrect changes c**ts to China. Hey don't blame me. I'm not the racist code programmer.
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@pakalupapito: roses r red violets r blue sunflowers r yellow i bet u were expecting someting romantic but no this is just gardening facts
@soandrewyang: *at funeral* ME: I know how you feel FRIEND: Dont bring up the time you only got yel-- ME: One time I only got yellows in my Starburst pack
@girlontapas: Am I capable of premeditated murder? Your honor, I've been planning my cheat day for two weeks.
@noog: At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.