@xLiserx: My autocorrect just changed "I'm off" to "I'm DTF" and changed a casual conversation with my boss into an H.R meeting.
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@MarloMeekins: 1. Get preg 2. Transfer ur soul to fetus using Satanic alchemy 3. Give birth to yourself 4. Old body dies 5. Be a baby
@PJTLynch: Buy your kids a tortoise. Then when you're elderly, they'll already have 40 years' experience feeding & loving something that barely moves
@Fazio_N: "What aisle has the milk?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk?"
@skele_tim: CAT VAMPIRE: let me in! ME: ok CAT VAMPIRE: you fool! now I will suck your bl- ME: *closes door* CAT VAMPIRE: ... CAT VAMPIRE: let me out