@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jonnysun: she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now? "...there ar plenty of fish in the sea" OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH
@rockymomax: ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer
@stephenjmolloy: Me: "This new flavour of Pringles is horrible." Wife: "You're eating a tube of tennis balls."
@kelkulus: Pretty sure that "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" is the kid's version of "Saw".