@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes
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@Scott_A_Gilmore: ~ Gets old. Puts car keys in 'better' place so I won't lose them ~ Can't find keys, has thrombosis—Dies ~ Comes back as ghost … finds keys
@samalmightysam: My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense.
@therealeatwood: [Wedding] “…to join these two in holy matrimony. The Ring, please?” [Maid of Honor pops tape in VCR.] [One week later: everyone dies.]