@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You need to eat vegetables instead of candy if you want to be tall. 4-year-old: I’ll just be small and happy.
@Fred_Delicious: If a Facebook video says "you won't believe what happens next" then I replace "believe" with "care"
@TheBoydP: Top Four Signs of Job Security: 4. Promotions and raises 3. Specialized skills 2. Top producer 1. Compromising photos of the boss