@Tmoney68: My background check bounced.
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@sheekaxo: Threw some protein bars in the trash & now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors Great Dane in the backyard.
@Danny_McH2O: She told me my analogies didn't make any sense. It seriously made me feel like a biscuit in an elevator.
@viadear: Confusing the word, "jacuzzi" with, "yakuza" has gotten me in hot water with the Japanese mafia more than once.
@gojarbe: *puts ranch dressing on chicken* aww look at his little cowboy hat and boots, how cute is that