@SoundOfSaad: My bank account status is more scary than the Conjuring!
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@Nickadoo: Princess Peach has been kidnapped so often, I'm beginning to think she might be Liam Neeson's daughter.
@SarcasticAlly12: Dr: do you know why you gained weight? *Flashbacks to eating fries in the car sobbing and blasting Adele* Me: no, better run some tests
@SemFitty: Accidentally put Red Bull in my coffee maker this morning. I was going 130 mph down the interstate when I realized that I forgot my car.