@sofarrsogud: My bank balance is a gentle reminder that in a few years my twins will have to battle it out for one college place!
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@Sickayduh: "Doctor, tennis has caused bad pain in my forearms" -There's nothing I can do "There isn't?" -Not until you bring in your other two arms
@MrGeorgeWallace: Y'all are gonna be sorry when I figure out how to breed spiders and bees and my army of "spees" is stingin' and bitin' you and shit
@Cheeseboy22: I'm offended that horses don't put their hooves over their hearts during the National Anthem when they win a gold in equestrian events.
@heatherlou_: Having one bathroom in your house teaches you that it is possible to hate a person because of a bathroom.