@GarreTheFerret: My bank sends a text with my balance. It's a nice feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.
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@QwertyJones3: Wife: You're so lucky, I'm like a trophy wife! Me: Wow, I'd hate to see what they gave to the second place guy.
@primawesome: I'm an adult, and I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, and I wish someone would take this power from me.
@SardonicTart: I don't go to the circus. Not because I'm scared of clowns, but because I'm scared of people who go to the circus.
@TheMichaelRock: The worst part about winter is how the ground is hard and crunchy and it makes me constantly crave nachos.