@BaldyLockzz: My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
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@batsly: I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap.
@caaataclysm: Walk of shame?? More like, walk of don't judge ME because YOU didn't get laid last night.
@stephenjmolloy: Jesus: "BRAINS!" *everyone looks scared* Jesus: "Just kidding! I'm fine, I'm fine."
@GrumpyCatsMind: If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you're angry about oxygen and numbers.