@BaldyLockzz: My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
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@MagsWoodward: I'm beginning to think my best chance of fame is if someone names a syndrome after me.
@LittleMissZesty: So when a cat pounces on a stranger's lap and demands tickles it's "cute" but when I do it I'm "causing trouble in Starbucks" again. Jeez!
@skitzoette: Yes,I put my kid on a leash. I'm not scared of her being abducted. I just REALLY wanted a puppy instead.
@SuicideBooth1: [couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS...