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@BaldyLockzz: My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
@Elizasoul80: Michael Phelps just won another gold medal for taking the quickest bath.
@_Shizzle: My friend David had his id stolen. I just call him Dav.
@prozdkp: Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain
@cervixsmash: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family
@DamonHunzeker: Ghosts wear sheets because nobody's scared of sleeping bags.