@ObscureGent: My best dating advice is to wait after you have two kids and a house before you tell her you speak elvish.
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@BeardedSteel: *stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker's office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts
@theshamingofjay: It's a good thing this video game is rated mature because it's going to be babysitting the kids tonight.
@SHOWERTHlNKING: What if Harry Potter was dreaming for seven years because he ran headfirst into a wall at a train station?