@JRevard: My bf asked me to act like a "naughty school girl" for him so I forged a note from my mom saying I don't have to participate.
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@longwall26: If you name a baby "Steve" you get to spend all day, like, "Yo, my man Steve shit himself and threw a potato at the cat."
@jdforshort: Green smoothies because who has the time or energy to chew 17 cups of spinach/lettuce/kale
@junejuly12: Him: How was your day? Me: Do you think my house key is sharp enough to sever a carotid artery? Him: *opens four bottles of wine*
@pregnant_cat: Hi I'm Dan, welcome to identity theft club *from back of room "me too" "me too!" "uhhh, yeah me too" Ok, we're off to a great start guys