@SomthinBoutSara: My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn't destroy my phone
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@iGreenMonk: I went for a run in morning but came home after 2 minutes coz I forgot something I forgot that I'm so fat that I can only run for 2 minutes
@AnniemuMary: Met a dog named Donut. I don't need that kind of reminder all day. Excuse me, I have to go take Smaller Portions for a walk.
@JasonLastname: Whoever invented popcorn deserves the Medal of Honor for not panicking after the first 45 seconds.
@DavidAndRobShow: Bae: come over. Me: I'm doing the podcast. Bae: come over. Me: nah, I'm doin the podcast. Bae: my parents are out. Me: they can download it.