@birbigs: My biggest fear is getting a 200 page email that ends with "Thoughts?"
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@TarzanFeathers: Sperm can live inside a woman for like 2 weeks. Nine months if things go really wrong.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I just got asked to work on a "special project" which is boss for "This was assigned to me but you're smarter so here you do it."
@Thynebear: "Is your refrigerator running?" "My fridge used to run every day, but ever since he started smoking marijuana he just lays on the couch."