@Cheetoe4: My black cat just ate my four leaf clover. That can't be good.......
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@headway10: Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: "Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!" Grandpa: "It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"
@_Kim_Jongun: How does North Korea only have four medals so far? We're the best at everything. We even fed our athletes this time.
@bencoffeehall: If peeing was an Olympic event, I would win gold. But then I would miss the awards ceremony because I was taking a leak.
@HeyZeus666: Anyone who doesn't believe in life after death has never walked away from a lousy job.