@Cheetoe4: My black cat just ate my four leaf clover. That can't be good.......
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@ChaseMit: Just found out Fox News's website has a Science section, which I assume links to a video of Sean Hannity screaming at a biology textbook.
@DamienFahey: I just dropped my phone in the toilet and for a second I stood over it and thought, "That's where it belongs."
@TheToddWilliams: [candy store] ME: I'd like to return this Tic Tac. CLERK: It looks partially eaten. ME: It's still in... CLERK: Don't ME: ...mint condition.
@bfrosty04: Just ran over my neighbors cat. In fairness, though, the damn thing probably thought he was safe when he made it to the porch.