@lunasgarden_: My blood type is coffee.
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@Jenny4ashley: Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just kill yourself.
@velweb: 12 yr. old daughter: My friend Samantha said she thinks you're handsome. Me: Aww. That's cute. How about her mom? Has she said anything?
@david8hughes: Wife: how much did it cost to rent that bouncy castle? Me: I dunno. Buying it wasn't cheap tho
@AndrewNadeau0: WebMD: You have cancer. Me: No, I feel fine. I clicked you by mistake. WebMD: And good thing you did... Cuz of the cancer.