@freeDone01: My body is telling me to go to sleep but my brain knows that there are Oreos in the pantry.
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@CVTBaby: Hairdresser: How much should I trim off the back? Me: Leave it long enough for him to wrap around his fist twice.
@SwartyComedy: If Shakespeare were alive today, he'd write a tragedy about the fate of the single French fry that comes with every order of onion rings.
@Playing_Dad: Me: Wanna hear a joke? Dog: sure Me: Knock knock *dog goes crazy barking at the door*