@freeDone01: My body is telling me to go to sleep but my brain knows that there are Oreos in the pantry.
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@Cheeseboy22: If you can talk really fast you have some options in life: Become an auctioneer or list the side effects of drugs at the end of commercials.
@GrantTanaka: if anyone starts quoting the bible to you, a funny thing to yell is "NO SPOILERS I HAVEN'T READ IT YET"
@OtherDanOBrien: *I throw u a kiss* *u duck* *it flies into space* [6 bn yrs later - the planet Xargx] LORD ZARG: Kill the- *kiss hits his cheek* LZ: Aww nvm
@TheRealRHB: Wife: Don't you think the yard needs to be mowed? (from my recliner I check google maps satellite view of our house) Me: It looks fine to me