@freeDone01: My body is telling me to go to sleep but my brain knows that there are Oreos in the pantry.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Donald Trump's chief speechwriter is a random deck from Cards Against Humanity.
@Tmoney68: Ladies, if he tells you he's 6 feet & 4 inches, be sure those aren't two separate measurements.
@Book_Krazy: [Airport security] Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs. Guard: Remove your shoes