@Robert_Beau: My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his BD cake in the break room fridge, but he is completely wrong, it wasn't my finger.
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@Marlebean: "I have to eat every 7 minutes or I get cranky." "Ma'am, that's not a valid reason to be excused from jury duty."
@Tommytoughstuff: "How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I'm good."
@AndyAsAdjective: A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.
@DamienFahey: "VROOM VROOM! VROOM VROOM VROOM! SCREECH!" - Entire script for Fast and the Furious 6